How To Motivate Lazy Minnesota Squirrels (satire)
I ran across this story from last summer and fortunately it looks like the acorn bombardment won't be nearly as bad this fall.
Every once in awhile, nature needs a little push to get things done, right? Not this past Summer, but the one before we had a acorn apocalypse at the lake. Freakin' acorns everywhere.
One morning, while enjoying some coffee on the porch at our lake cabin, I was contemplating just how I was going to handle the bombardment of acorns on the lawn. I noticed that the local squad of squirrels just wasn't carrying it's weight on this matter. I thought, am I going to have to actually teach these rats with fluffy tails how to collect and store these acorns? I guess so.
I had to approach this matter carefully. if you've ever seen a squirrel try and cross the street, you know they are already suicidal. So, I went outside and got down on all fours under the giant oak tree, making sure the squirrels were watching and commenced with the lesson. I walked around the giant oak on all fours and systematically stuffed the fallen acorns in my cheeks until they were beyond compacity. I repeated this lesson a dozen times before calling it a day.
I can't tell you how swelled up with pride I was the next morning when I took my place on the porch with a cup of coffee. What I witnessed was nothing short of amazing. The squad of previously slacking squirrels were circling the giant oak and stuffing their cheeks with acorns, executing the lesson I had given them perfectly.
(Disclaimer; Some or all of this may be a figment of a slightly disturbed imagination.
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