Finally, a workout just for me.

Yes, according to University College London scientists quoted in The Times, going to the movies “could be as good for your health as a ‘light form of cardio’ exercise.” Who knew I was such a workout junkie? Apparently I am operating at the absolute peak of my physical abilities!

The study discovered that movie theater attendance “could provide a boost for your heart and benefit memory and concentration,” and that the theatrical experience is better for the body than watching movies at home “because there are fewer distractions in a cinema, allowing your brain to devote a rare period of ‘undivided attention’ to what is unfolding. The effects were comparable to what one would receive on a brisk walk. But you can’t watch Jared Leto turn into a living vampire on a brisk walk, so clearly going to the movies is better.

I am going to assume that if all of this is true, then anything I eat at the movie theater is therefore also healthy. Buttered popcorn with a giant soda? Sure it sounds like it has a lot of fat and sugar in it, but I’m burning all those calories sitting on my butt and looking attentively at the screen! Aren’t you supposed to refuel after workouts anyway?

At last, science to support my unfounded theory that going to the gym is a waste of time and that the real physical fitness is found in a multiplex. I’m going to the movies three times this week, so my New Year’s Resolution to get in better shape is finally within reach.

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Gallery — Every Movie Theater Candy, Ranked From Worst to Best: