A pretty sweet  book about candy came out years ago called “Candyfreak,” by Steve Almond. When Almond was asked about what the candy you give out for Halloween says about you. He agreed to muse on this as long as it was made clear that he was a "Professional candyfreak, not a therapist.” Here’s what Almond had to say about the people who hand them out to trick-or-treaters.



What Does the Halloween Candy You Give Out Say About You?

Twix: “Both brittle and supple in social situations; sort of trapped between personality types.”


Three Musketeers: “Does well in groups but is somewhat pompous. Prone to fancy costumes and arcane weapons. Wears hats in public that are ill-advised.”


Almond Joy: “I’m going to put aside my aversion to coconut in praising these folks as happy-go-lucky.”


Bit-O-Honey:  “They have contradictory personalities, hoping to express generosity but also having the passive-aggressive desire to damage the fillings of trick-or-treaters.”


Butterfinger: “Evasive, slippery, not necessarily to be trusted.”


Good & Plenty:  “Optimistic, perhaps overly so. A little bit of Weimar energy. Strong advocate of gay rights; acquainted with the bitterness at the center of most lives.”


Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups:  “Generous souls. Those who understand the salty in life, as well as the sweet.”


Snickers:  “Just going with the crowd, the safe candy choice, guaranteed to please the masses. Not ambitious, but dependable.”


Twizzlers: “Sickos. Truly demented. Plastic people living plastic lives.”


I found this incredibly entertaining. This year we are giving out Snickers.  I am just going with the crowd with the safe candy choice. Not ambitious, but dependable. Not as bad as Twizzlers, I guess. I am okay with that.

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