When I was putting my kid in his car seat yesterday, I discovered that I had not been traveling alone recently. There was some sort of giant disgusting bug, long since dead, in the back passenger door handle.

How long was this bugstrosity lurking in my automobile before deciding on that door handle as its final resting place? Was he with me on my drive to the cities last weekend? Has he heard me belting out Olivia Rodrigo songs while I thought I was alone in the car on my way to work?

This raises two important conflicts. First, while I don't technically know what type of bug this is I am fairly confident he was plotting to kill me. Whether through the use of its own venom or talons or whatever, or by manipulating the cpu unit in my car, this thing was probably trying to end my life.

Second, and most importantly, I think this is a severe violation of my privacy. This bug did not ask if it could ride with me, didn't chip in for gas... couldn't even be bothered to fasten its seatbelt. What if I got pulled over? I'd get a ticket. Rude.

So I did what any good parent would do: I asked my three-year-old to grab it and take it out of the car. When he finally stopped crying I did it myself and I am still shaking two days later.

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